..My Desire

Well, it's been awhile since my last "blahg", and if you remember how long the line was before, imagine how long the line is now!! you're right. it's actually gotten shorter haha probably due to the fact that I don't get on here as much, nor do I tend to make this a weekly ritual. But, have no fear, I have an arm full of spices and am ready to throw a dash and a pinch in for now..to keep the flavor brewing. so, here goes nothing....

first of all..before i start, let me just apologize for the lack of capitalization or any grammatical errors, i'm not really editing this and am too lazy to press the "shift" key in order to start a new sentence haha just be happy i have added periods and commas..so you can take a breath while reading my running thoughts haha here goes nothing.......again!

..my desire

for the past 18 months, I have been living in utah. I moved here with a desire to work, a desire to serve, a desire to grow, a desire to marry. All but one of these desires have been met (so far). Not that I couldn't find a job in california, not that I wasn't able to serve and grow either, but none of it was coming to me in a decent time frame. I applied for job after job after job. And in today's ever decreasing economy, my only option was to move. So, I did. 

I have had three jobs since living in utah and have been at my current job for a little over a year now. It isn't my "dream job", but I do love what I do. It is similar to a call-center, actually, it is a call-center. But the difference is that we deal with patients, rather than customers, like most centers. I am sort-of like an extension to the front desk of a hospital clinic. Patients "think" they're calling their doctor's office, but instead, they get me! I can help them with many things, schedule an appointment, refill their medications or simply put in a message to their doc for a referral. The catch is, these clinics are based in northern california. ha! yes, I moved to utah from california..now i'm working for a california company in utah! haha go firgure! but it is a very rewarding job...for the most part. anyway, that desire is crossed off the list. until i'm ready to find something else. 

My next desire was to find a ward to attend (to serve and grow), a ward that would meet my spiritual needs and one in which I could participate in. While there are two polynesian ysa wards in the salt lake valley, and after visiting both wards a few times, I chose not to attend either one of them. Instead, I chose a ward, closer to where I live, one that has fewer polynesians but is diverse in many other ways. I love my ward! My first calling was "Temple Prep" instructor, which I had for a year! I team taught with a male-member of the ward. It truly is one of my favorite callings. I love talking, teaching and testifying of the temple and all that it symbolizes and represents. I especially loved all the members who attended and all that they added to the lessons and was always so impressed by their examples and their desire to attend the temple. I was recently released from that calling and was called to be the first counselor in the relief society. I was never really a fan of relief society. but, with a willing heart, I accepted the opportunity to serve in a different capacity. so far, it has been a challenging calling. there is so much to plan, so much to do, so many sisters to visit..but, i welcome the challenge and am grateful for this time I have to "serve&grow". this desire is half way crossed off the list. haha

This next desire, has been on my list for quite sometime. My heart has had its episodes when it comes to the topic of marriage. I mean, who doesn't want to get married? Who doesn't have marriage as a top priority? Who doesn't want to "multiply and replenish" the earth? I for one want it all! *correction* I need it all!! I. know. this!! I have had a few friends, in their own loving way, remind me that I'm getting old and that I need to settle down and get married. All these friends, mind you, are single themselves! haha so, how then, is their constant reminder encouraging? it's not. but i have learned to roll with their punches and block them out. While the desire to marry is still a priority of mine, it has found its way to the bottom of my list, not crossed off, but circled..and i will explain why... 

there's a quote that I love: "to find the one, you must first BECOME the one". I have taken that to mean that I need to work on myself first, that I need to make sure I know my place, make sure I am grounded, that i am doing what i need to do. in a way...i have to be "selfish"...in a good way tho..? haha I believe I kind of accomplished that but it is constantly changing...i'm constantly changing. i mean..i know who i am..i have a testimony of the gospel..i can cook (kind of)..i have a job..i'm family oriented..i know what i have to offer, i just have to ball it all up and make it look some what "desirable". but also, i would hope that whoever finds these things appealing..comes with those same attributes. i have been on a total of ONE date..since living here in utah. it was a blind date. one that I have never forgotten, only because..again, my friends....(such influence these people..) anyway..there are times when you can tell "things won't work out". and, well..let's just say...i could tell!! the guy was nice, but our date was cut short because he had to go to work. we were suppose to go on a second date, but "something came up" and we never went. fine with me. i learned from that blind date.

 i'm really down to date, to get to know someone..the problem is...no one is asking! so, i take that as no one being interested in what i have to offer. i have had advice from numerous male-friends..telling me, "you just have to put yourself out there"...well, truth of the matter is...i am not desperate. let me explain that too..haha i don't have game, i don't know how to flirt...i can normally read people pretty well..i can tell which guys are "looking in my direction" and which ones aren't. more than 90% of the time..that's all they're doing..."looking"...i consider myself "approachable" so if any of them would step up and say something..i wouldn't turn them down..i wouldn't turn them away! maybe they're scared? intimidated? i don't know..and i probably never will. don't give me that "it's 2014..there's nothing wrong with asking a guy out"..because, i have been "asking guys out" since 2001 haha okay, okay..i haven't done it lately, but i was "friend-zoned" before the term was even coined!! it's not fun. i often hear men say "once i know a girl is into me..the chase is over". so, since no one is "chasing" me..i don't want to be the one "chasing him" if he wasn't interested in the first place! these are just a few reasons/examples why my desire to get married has been put on hold..for now. not to say that i don't want to get married..because I DO, but it'll happen when it happens...? i haven't given up on love. but we can just say...i'm taking a break? because i know that i still have things to work on...in becoming "the one"..so that in due time..i can attract the right one..at the right time! i will keep this as an "open-ended" conclusion..since it really is an "ongoing" matter..so, while the whole "marriage" desire is not crossed off, it will remain circled. 

with all of that nonsense said..i have a few new desires! including, but not limited to..reading more, writing more, eating less, spending less..and all that mess!! 

aaaaaaand that's all she blahg'd!!